Don't be an asshole

I strive to be happy, today of all days I want to be happy. I wore happy socks today, then they reminded me of her, these were her socks. So I can’t help but want to be selfish, I want her with me, I want to share everything with her. I want to hug her and tell her how lucky I am to have had her in my life. She may have been a petite woman, but she was larger than life. Anyone who met her knows this is true. She had the presence that when she entered a room everyone would notice. I always pictured her having one of those Cinderella moments anytime she went to a party; you know, big entrance from atop a stair case and all.  She may have had tiny feet, but she left some big shoes to fill. She was a force to be reckoned with! I try every day to carry on her love, and giving spirit. It is through all this that I see how truly strong this woman really was. It is through her that I learned what love really is.

Most years we would show up, Pink Champagne cake in hand, and usually Pepsi. Every year we celebrated this beautiful woman who carried us all through so much. This woman who asked for nothing for herself, who expected nothing, and worked for everything she got. She was a role model if there ever was one. She was Imperfect, which made her perfect in my eyes, but with fierce love for everyone who was lucky enough to be considered her friend. I was one such lucky person. She didn’t have to like me, she wasn’t obligated, and I sure as hell did not make it easy on her, and she could have walked away at any moment, but she didn’t. She saw the value in me; she made sure that every single day I knew I was a worthwhile person no mater my bad decisions, my quick temper, my imperfections, basically, she saw me and loved me for just who I am. This is who she was; she made sure everyone knew how valuable they were. She did not like to know her friends were sad, alone, or struggling on their own, she made sure they knew no that matter what they had her in their corner.

She is the type of person that could captivate a room full of people with her beautiful and positive attitude. She would smile and you could not help but smile with her. No matter what mood you were in you could not help but feel happy and find yourself often laughing and having a good time in her presence. She was the kind of person that people would naturally be drawn to. She had so many friends that would go to the ends of the earth for her and vice versa, it was truly inspiring. And she was not the type of person to call someone a friend just because she knew them; she took time and invested in people, she didn’t just collect them. 

She did love shoes, she had so many shoes, oh so many shoes! 

She left some big shoes to fill, despite her tiny feet. She had so much love for people, for her community. Especially for battered women, she knew firsthand where they were coming from. She was a survivor; she pulled herself and her kids out of that world. She would not let that define her, or hold her back. She must have been scared out of her mind, living in that situation being responsible for all those kids, knowing minimal English from what she could pick up on Wheel of Fortune and other such shows. Being so young and in a country so foreign to her. Despite whatever she was going through she would always help others, she let nothing stand in her way of helping others. She would task her children with helping others. Encouraging them to go help the elderly pastor pack up the front of the church, to go help the lady with 3 kids struggling to get her groceries in her car, catching papers when they flew by, being there when friends just needed to talk. She didn’t push her kids into this without first and constantly walking the walk, she led her children by example. She loved so fiercely, she wouldn’t just listen to her friends when they were in a bad way, she would help shoulder the pain, doing everything she humanly could to take away the pain. She would drop everything and go to be by a friends side in a time of need. She would not hold back her love from anyone, even when they hurt her, she would continue to show them she loved them, despite it all. She always showed me she loved me no matter what.

One of the best last memories I have is of her dancing in the hallway with one of her sons. It was getting close to the time she was going to pass on the battle to others to continue fighting. I was sad, we all were. Despite knowing she would no longer be hurting, I wanted to keep her longer. I needed her, and still do. Despite her pain or discomfort she wanted to make us all smile and enjoy our time together. She wanted to leave knowing we would be happy for her, because that is all she wanted. So she got up and on her way to another long painful trek to the bathroom (five feet was a long distance to walk for her at this point), grabbed her son by the waist and waltzed in the hallway with him, humming and smiling. The smile on her face was the most beautiful, heartfelt smile I have ever seen in my life. That smile encompassed everything I believe love should be, open, honest, caring, and best of all free!

Some may have called her a superhero but her name is Agripina and I got to call her Mom.

She still draws a crowd.

Today we would have been celebrating her 58^th birthday with her, alas we must celebrate her day of birth without her.

So long story short, don’t be an asshole, hug your mom, your dad, your friends, etc. and let them know while you can how much they mean to you.