I got to be a part of an awesome opportunity in Morro Bay
this weekend, my job description was simple: Check ID’s. Ok even I can do that,
I don’t have to talk much to people they will just glide up to me with their ID’s
and I will merely wave them on, very minimal talking involved right?
Oh boy! I got there was told I had to check ID’s and put
wristbands on people. Ok, ok, I can do this, a little more people interaction,
but now I will simply check their ID’s which they have out without me having to
talk to them, I will put on their wristbands and will gracefully wave them past
me with barely more than a Thank You. I can do this, I can do this, I can do
this (this was my self-mantra).
Oh crap, I have to smile!
Ok, standing out there I realized I would attract the people
with their ID’s out and give them wristbands if I just stood there looking
important and smiled at them. (I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.)
So there I stood with a smile, wristbands in hand ready to
check ID’s.
Yep, here I am smiling like a fool, waiting for someone to
give me their…Oh crap! I think someone just tapped my shoulder!
I turn around to see an older gentleman and his lovely wife
standing there looking expectantly at me. Dang it! They are not saying
anything, this is awkward. TALK AT THEM! TALK AT THEM! My mind screams.
So I jump right into this unfamiliar territory, “Hi ! Yall
planning on partaking of alcohol today?” Damn it! What normal person says
partake?! I berate myself.
They say yes, and I ask to see their ID’s…
Their ID’s, these two are at the age where checking ID should
not be the first concern when selling alcohol, I thought for sure they were
going to let me have it now…
The husband started laughing, his wife already had her ID
pulled out, she told me she was used to being carded, and they both laughed for
a moment while I put on their wristbands and wished them a good day at the
festival.
Whew! I did I spoke to people...wait…I can’t speak to people,
it is definitely something I am not good at, oh man how am I supposed to make
it through the rest of the day? Why did I sign up for this again…aye aye aye. I
am so screwed, and going to be an embarrassment to the league (I was
representing Central Coast Roller Derby in this volunteer capacity). They will
never ask me to volunteer again!
Before I knew it I was swarmed with people, ID’s and
wristbands. I was in the middle of all the people arriving and I was the
gatekeeper to the alcohol. I talked to people about their kids, about their
pets, about the festival, and about Roller Derby, and what it is I do in roller
derby! It was a big jump from being nervous and believing I was incapable of
talking to people, to joking with people about why I had to see their ID, and
even offering to join people on their day’s journey through the festival. It
was a jump I didn’t notice I took, and I am glad for that. When my replacement
came I found myself kind of sad that I could not stay longer (we already had
other plans or I just might have!) I looked at all the wristbandless people and
thought; I could talk to all these people! I counted the wristband backs I
shoved in my pocket and I had well over 200 of them, that is not counting the
ones I dropped at the festival and the ones that flew away when I was trying to
take them out of my pocket!
Me! The person who “can’t” talk to people easily spoke to
well over 200 people without a problem! All this time I have been telling
myself what I can’t do, what if I had been telling myself I can, or at the very
least I can try.
Can’t is a big scary, intimidating word. We hear it from others
all the time, and even more destructively we tell it to ourselves a lot. At
least I do. No! At least I DID.
The next day I decided I was no longer going to say I can’t
skate for more than 2 minutes; this was my goal for the day. So when the court
was empty and it was just my son and one other Junior Roller Derby kid, I
pulled my skates on and went for it, I am sure without thinking, I, at one point
or maybe more said "I can’t do this", yet I did! I captured on film about 2
minutes of skating, but feeling confident about my skating I decided to put the
camera down and continue skating. I skated for easily another 3 minutes before
I had to give my evil knee a rest. That and it was getting close to the time
for the Junior Roller Derby to use the court. One of the coaches told me I
could skate for endurance while they were doing their thing, and I heard that
evil cuss word escape my mouth. I said I can’t, and said my knee wouldn’t allow
it.
Who is my stupid evil knee that it thinks it can tell me what
I can and can’t do. It’s not broken; it is just weirdly painful all the time.
But that is no excuse, if I can’t sticky skate because it hurts to turn my knee
then I can regular skate, if I can’t
bend more because it hurts to bend my knee then I can bend a little to skate. I was determined to turn any can’t into
a can! I can’t skate with the Juniors, I can
skate when they take a break. I would love to have grand goals and say, I can
skate as good as anyone else out there, and someday I will, but for me it is
all in baby steps. Day by day I have to choose it will be a CAN day, and if I get up one day and
tell myself I can’t make it the whole day, then I will adjust it to smaller
victories, I can try to make it a CAN
day, I can get over each situation as it comes, and before I know it I will be
having a whole day of not allowing negativity, and self-doubt control me.
Today, I can talk to people; I can keep a smile on my face
even when they get frustrated. They may be calling about their broken oven, or ice-maker but sometimes they are just having some other personal crisis going on
in their lives, and that oven or ice-maker is just the straw that broke the camel’s
back.
